Fade in

 

Even though I've been through this routine a hundred times in my head in the past couple of years, it is funny that when it is finally time to cross the bridge, I'm unsure of how to begin. What you are reading isn't just another-maiden-blog-post. It is a victory- the victory of valour over cowardice and proactiveness over procrastination. It is a coming of age- the moment when the inherently shy kid comes out to face the warm arclights and the icy cold stares. If this sounds much like a story, that's probably because it is indeed nothing short of one. But, if it is, I must tell it like one.


I cannot place exactly how long the germ (keeda in national parlance) of "having" a blog has been in me. The earliest recollections I have of it date back to 2006, sometime in the second year of my engineering. After a little pondering, the idea was promptly shot down by one of my multiple personalities, citing the then lack of internet connectivity in the architecturally-unstable Abhimanyu Bhavan (and thus necessitating the need to camp at the Computer Center, CCN, everytime I would need to post). The same episode re-occurred a year later, only much stronger. And this time, I did meet the requisite digital infrastructure requirements. The grounds for rejection this time round was the lack of "substantial inspiration" around me to keep the blog running.


Absurd, isn't it? However, it is no co-incidence that this blog shares the same relationship with absurdity that I do with it- namely, genetic. And most of what will go in here will undoubtedly earn that epithet too. But, I can live with that.


Anyway, back to the story. Even though I had successfully sabotaged all plans for a blog, the idea kept recurring to me, and kept growing stronger with each passing day. I would frequently find myself mentally typing out posts in the blog-I-did-not-have. I would think of interesting opening lines, catchy titles, labels, relevant pictures and the works. But, that's where it stayed- in my mind.


Probably it is because of my notably Communist upbringing that I don't generally take to work like a fish takes to water (we Bongs may love our fish, but not enough to make us adopt its aquatic tendencies). To add fuel to fire, the complete inaction I experienced during my four years at NIT Kurukshetra made me detest activity of any sort. However, we've only scratched the surface.


Truth be told, I was a little scared. I was (and still am) unsure of myself as a writer. And knowing full well the tiny attention-span I possess, I feared the day I would run out of gas and say "screw it". Clearly, to have not tried was better than to have tried and lost.


But, the biggest stumbling block for me was what I call (for the want of a better term) Cyberfright. Those who know me as a person and have read my writings in The Helios, The Lampoon, or anywhere else will tell you that I write humour (or try to, atleast). The reason for this is simple: when parodying and lampooning something, it is easy to maintain that disconnect between post and author. One may write volumes of humour/satire and yet not give an iota away of the kind of person one is. Yet, in my mind, my blog was to be different. It was to be me. It was to be the diary I never wrote. But, the blog also seemed to me to be a large transparent window to the house that is Yours Truly- a house that has, so far, had a thick Crustacean shell all around it, and the interiors of which are known only to a couple of people, if at all. In simpler terms, I was scared of opening up. And it is this standoff that resulted in a four-year gestation period for the blog.


So, that's been the story so far. But now that I've crossed the bridge, it was a lot easier than I made it out to be. Upon retrospecting, I find that this post has turned out far too grim and, if I may, confessional to be a first post (first posts having a reputation of being different versions of 'Hello World!'). Maybe it's karma. Good karma or bad karma, I don't know. But what I do know is that Karma is a good note to sign off with on your debut. So be it, then!